Evidence for Heaven

I wrote a letter to a friend that reads my blog sometimes. Part of the note was not well explained; I made it seem as though I thought suicide was okay for me. Not exactly true; I had a NDE, near death experience, when I was 17 yrs. old. That effort was a real suicide attempt, and I was successful, I died. Love brought me back. My girlfriend, who was seeing another guy, part of my quitting life reasons, was trying to get into the operating room. I saw her head and one foot squished in the door by a nurse trying to keep her out. Her head was tilted down so I couldn’t see her eyes. I was up on the ceiling in a beautiful bright white light. I had floated up in the same laying position I was in on the operating table. Even though I was on my back I heard something, sensed it maybe. Whatever; I rolled to see that my X still cared for me. I wanted to go on; there was an unimaginable desire to keep going through the roof. But I came back down after seeing her and the light turned into regular operating lights and the doctors where busy working on my brain through a large hole in my skull, then I was comatose for 3 days. After a few more days I was allowed to go home, it was a long walk between towns, 10 or so miles. But the love of my life came and walked all the way with me, she said she was trying to get into the surgery room. That was 40 years ago.
What’s this got to with heaven and my unclear mail to my friend? It’s that I am not suicidal; I was just never scared to die after that. I got it in my head that I was still here to do something, a special mission just for me. I’m still waiting. Then there is a heaven connection. In this program ‘Evidence for Heaven’ they have lots of testimonies from peoples NDE’s. Modern medicine is now bringing many people back from death. So all the PHD’s and scientists and well educated clergy, including professor Hawking (the guy in the wheelchair believes in heaven through his research) who is considered the most brilliant mind on earth, all got a chance to expound on their point of view. Some who started out as unbelievers had their minds changed from their research. Some skeptics had their minds changed by going through a NDE themselves. Also they interviewed hundreds of NDE people and put about a dozen on the show explaining their experience and how it affected their lives.
These survivors had things in common, no fear of death, indescribable white light, feeling loved, drawn to the light, being more compassionate and giving afterwards. Others had more intense NDE’s, they got to meet some dead loved ones, and they traveled through walls and ceilings, up to the roof. One dead lady that got to the roof saw a red tennis shoe up there, they sent an orderly up there and he brought back the red shoe that was on the roof of a 5 story hospital. Another dead gal went to her Sunday service, later she knew what the verse the pastor used that day. She said the page had highlighter marks on it and knew the flowers and song and where her sister sat, all true. Frankly I’m miffed; I didn’t get any big time tour. I never got out of my room, rather irritating that.
Nevertheless I did not necessarily become a better person that I saw. I already considered myself a nice guy. I was giving and polite and knew I couldn’t compete in the mud and filth of the rat race. I was against competition, which always needs a sad looser. I could not get my heart adjusted to the lies, the competiveness, the greed and control freaks. I was too mellow, I made a good hippie. This is another reason I walked out of a truck going 65 on a highway. This, wrecking my Hippie van and the loss of my girl pushed me over the top. Before and after this suicide I did and continued to do insane things, due to a variety of issues. But I didn’t know I sabotaged all my programs and didn’t know who I am until 5 years ago.
So do you believe in heaven now? Of course there is much more to my biography and a lot more on heaven. For today though I’m going to bed. Perhaps if I get some readers and comments I’ll create another page. So I leave you with a little cliff hanger.